The end of a difficult year(s)... and a hopeful beginning.

2011 was a difficult year.


Actually so was 2010, and 2009.... and the last two months of 2008.


In November of 2008 I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. The dictionary says "a syndrome characterized by fatigue and chronic pain in the muscles and in tissues surrounding the joints."  That doesn't even come close to explaining it.  It hurts... every day.  Sometimes it feels like my hands are on fire and there's no way to make it go away, sometimes it feels like there's electrical shocks going through the muscles in my back, sometimes my muscles spasm so hard in my chest I feel like I'm going to suffocate.  Physically, it hurts.


Emotionally it kicks my ass.  On a daily basis I wonder if the things that I do will end up causing me to be in more pain the next day because I over did it.  It makes me angry that I'm 23 years old and I can expect to live with this for the rest of my life.  It makes me sad that I feel like I'm not normal.  It scares me that the people that I love and care about will get burnt out and not want to be there for me anymore.  It sucks.


I am vowing to make 2012 the year where Fibromyalgia does NOT control my life.  I don't really know exactly how I'm going to do this but I'm going to try.  Your ideas and suggestions are more than welcome and your support will be much appreciated. 

Mid Week Slump for those of use in the working world.

Dear Katie Lou Cross and anyone else I know who is still in school and not working full time,
I do not like you and your silly 3 week long Christmas break!

I must admit that I am very jealous of those who enjoy a two to three week Christmas break, I haven't had one of those since my first year of college!  Alas I am trying to get myself into the Christmas spirit.  We had Christmas with my family on Sunday and it was nice to be home at the same time as my baby brother.  I don't think that has happened since... probably last Christmas.  I got to go to church with my parents on Sunday and was of course ambushed by everyone and their mother, "Bethany! What are you doing these days? Where do you live? *Insert other personal questions here*" It was nice.  I also got the BEST Christmas gift ever from my parents:-)

But I'm struggling to be in the Christmas spirit.  Maybe it's the lack of snow.  Maybe it's the fact that this is the first year of my life that Christmas Day will not be spent with my family (we're going to Cedar Falls to have Christmas with Wes's family).  But I thought I would try to do something to change that.  A list! I love lists.  And here is a list of my Christmas Favorites!

Bethany's Christmas FAVORITES!

Favorite Christmas Cookie - - Chocolate Crinkles

Favorite Christmas Movie - - White Christmas

Favorite Christmasy Drink - - Peppermint Mocha from Starbucks!

Favorite Christmas Song - - O Holy Night

Favorite Christmas Memory - - When I was in 1st grade my dad told my brother and I that Santa had been in the garage and left us a present.  We went out to the garage to find brand new sleds!  My parents took us to a sledding hill about 20 miles from our house that was right next to a skating rink.  My brother and I both sat on the sled and my dad gave us a big push from the top of the hill.  He must have pushed way to hard because we were going very fast straight towards the skating rink.  We cleared the 2 foot snow bank that surrounded the rink and were in the hair for what seemed like hours but was in reality mere seconds before we landed smack dab on the ice.  I started to cry and said that my butt hurt but my brother was so excited he kept screaming, "Do it again dad do it again!"

Merry Christmas!

You'll shoot your eye out!

For the last few weeks I've felt like the little kid from A Christmas Story.  All he wants for Christmas is a Red Ryder Beebee Gun and everyone, I mean EVERYONE shoots him down.  His parents, his teachers, even Santa Claus tells him that he can't have the beebee gun because he'll "shoot his eye out."

What I wanted for Christmas won't cause any optical damage but... everyone said I wasn't going to get it.  I have wanted a Kindle for years.  My grandparents were going to give me one for my college graduation but they gave me money to buy it instead and... let's just say I didn't spend the money on the Kindle.  So when the Kindle Fire came out this fall I was in love.  Now really, I want an iPad... but... I'm super poor.  So I can't afford one and I know there is NO WAY my parents love me enough have the extra money to buy me an iPad for Christmas.  But the Kindle Fire is way cheaper than the iPad... and I wanted it... really really bad.  I've been texting my dad about it for months.  When I realized that they were selling them at Target I called up my parents to let them know that they didn't have to buy it on the internet (my parents aren't online shoppers).  I have been wanting this thing in the WORST way.  Last week my dad told me that I wasn't getting a Kindle Fire for Christmas.  He said it was too expensive.  I was like the little kid from the movie... my heart was broken... BUT... my dad's a liar!  I got a Kindle Fire for Christmas from my parents and I am so excited!  I downloaded Hunger Games yesterday because apparently everyone who is everyone has read it!  I think it will be very helpful with my goal of reading a book a week for the new year! 

Vacation Day!

I REALLY wish my body would let me sleep in on my days off.  I even stayed up late reading last night so that I would sleep in!  I slept til 8 ish but that just does not seem like sleeping in (even though it is since I'm usually at work at 8!).  Probably doesn't help that SOMEONE was a bed hog last night...  Yea he's cute but he takes up WAY too much room in my bed!

Today I'm on vacation because I have to use up my days before the end of the year and what better way to do so than extending my weekend!  I'm going to Webster City tonight to bake cookies with my mom and I'm pretty excited.  I haven't spent the night at my parent's house since we moved to Humboldt so I'm looking forward to some quality time with my mom... and the pups.

My coffee is brewed and my oatmeal is made so I'm going to try and make this a productive day off!

New Years Resolutions?

I am probably quoted somewhere as saying, "New Years Resolutions are simply setting you up for failure and they are a waste of time."  Yea I'm cynical... oh well.  Hey maybe that should be on my list of resolutions, to be less of a cynic... ha!

Anywho... 2011 kind of sucked.  It was my first year as a real bill-paying member of adult society and I learned one thing... I don't like being an adult!  I want to be an irresponsible college student forever!!!  Alas, this is apparently not something that one can do so I am a working contributing member of society with a buttload of student loan debt who refuses to buy brand name items at the grocery store because of said student loan debt.

I decided oh, yesterday, that 2012 is not allowed to suck as bad as 2011.  Did you hear that 2012... no sucking allowed.  So in my head I began to think, "Bethany just saying outloud '2012 you're not allowed to suck' is NOT going to work.  You have to do something, something BIG or something small... You have to do something to make things change."  And I found a legal pad and I began to make a list.  I love lists... During finals I always made multiple lists and they were color coordinated and wonderful and it kept me sane.  So I made a list of new years resolutions.  Then I decided I didn't like the word resolution.  I'm picky.  Trusty thesaurus... New Years....... AMBITIONS!  So... This is the list so far... I decided that I would include the per usual "go to the gym more" but I wanted my list of ambitions to be well rounded so it includes things about my health, finances, and overall well being!

New Years Ambitions 2012

• Start blogging (hey... I always put things on my lists I'll definitely do makes me feel good)
• Do yoga at least twice per week (I bought a yoga dvd and set a few months ago and haven't been very good at using it... this will change)
• Go to the Rec Center where I'm PAYING for a membership at least twice per week
• Work on meal planning
• Try new foods (When Wes and I went to Cedar Falls for Thanksgiving we went out for Thai food with his parents and I really liked it!)
• Read one book per week (If I get the Kindle Fire I asked for this Christmas this one will be a breeze!)
• Pay off one credit card completely before the end of the year
• Have $500 in savings and LEAVE IT ALONE!

So there we go... my ambitions for 2012.  Mind you I'm also starting a second job so some of these might be a real challenge... though the second job will help out with the financial goals!